i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
