i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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