she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That was before I lit my hair on fire
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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