Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
