You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
