WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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