not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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