There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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