Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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