i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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