had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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