I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
