Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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