I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He shit in the fireplace
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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