I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
