I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
