I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
