best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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