It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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