She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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