stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
