Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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