New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
