i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
