We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
