Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
