i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
