Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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