It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
