i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
