It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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