who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
