You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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