I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I would fuck him just for his dog
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
