you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
