How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
