i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
zippers are such a cool invention
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
