i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
