I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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