I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
