dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As shirtless as possible
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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