there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
