Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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