I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I didn't notice because vodka
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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