why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
