butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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