i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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