8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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