I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize