Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
