Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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