Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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