I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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