Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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