nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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