I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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