She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
