i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
