Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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