did you get engaged???
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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