i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
time to smoke my breakfast
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
