My Higher Power is John Stamos
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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