coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
