Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my sisters under your porch take her home
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
