Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
